Navin R. Johnson: The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair… And I don’t need one other thing… except this golf league! And that’s all I neeed.
Getting close…6 days opening day for league…and we are now uneven teams. Darin and Josh decided they are not coming back…so we will be forced to have 1 two man team /week play against nobody and score points against a blind score. If anybody knows of 2 guys wanting to join the league – lemme know (HURRY). Otherwise unless we redo the schedule if you are scheduled against Darin you are the 2some for the week playing without opponents.
The last movie-inspired headline of the year (maybe) inspired by The Guns of Navarone, starring Gregory Peck, David Niven & Anthony Quinn. The plot is either about an elite Allied cammando unit trying to destroy a German pillbox OR a group of ragtag misfits daisy-bombing an otherwise prestine green pasture with small & dimpled speres.
Just like your first day of school, I will be handing out the syllabus and other dittos up front so you have a medium to deface while I prattle on.
Did you get all that? and now a word from our president…
BRING CASH: $25 per person for greenies and skins $25 -$40 per person for raffle (15 prizes …between only 32 guys ….you can win multiple times) thanks RAC
Some time pre-round at the Calderone Golf club: (unknown golfer) “But Ricky, nobody told me that I needed CASH! I don’t read that website stuff. I just look at the pictures. What do you mean you won’t take a check? Do you have one of them ATM cash machines in your manbag?”
No, Ricky doesn’t have an ATM, but you can find one now just 5 minutes away at Mugg & Bopps (3864 Mt Hope Rd, 49240). Top off the tank, get a coffee and a fistfull of dollars. No guarantee the ATM is working (or that it’s full of cash) so I wouldn’t make this your Plan A.
So in conclusion, CONGRATS to this year’s regular season Snapper Champions, Darin Craine and Josh Cook. The pdf is included in a link above, but here is the full list of past champions…
Who won the League? How many errors will ‘Blade make on what will be the season’s last sheet? What about the Majestic Beer Babe heated competition? Did Timmy wear the same shirt? Is today’s Headline from an old Clint Eastwood flik? We’ll get the answers to these questions another time, but first things first.
YEAR END OUTING SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2023, 8:00AM CHECK IN/9:00AM SHOTGUN THE CALDERONE GOLF CLUB 4490 WILLIS RD, MI 49240
** 4 man scramble format 18 holes;
**all team members shoot from within a one club drop of the best of your previous shots;
** yes you may “fluff” and improve your lie vertically… ** play the WHITE TEES
THIS YEAR WE WILL BE HANDING OUT CHEST CAMS FOR ALL PLAYERS TO ENSURE EVERYONE PUTTS OUT & ALL STROKES COUNTED…
Team Pictures and random pics of the “Before / During / and After” outing will have to be a group effort. Feel free to take a few PICS with that device in your pocket and immediately email to me so I can post them here with the scramble results. If nobody sends me any photos, I will post them all.
The Super Bowl of Snappers Golf. EVERYTHING has always depended upon the results of the last week of golf, a culmination of a season of the thrills of victories and agonies of defeats. Who will be crowned League Champions and who will have the dubious honor of Last Place, (sponsored by Backwoods smokes)? Oh, the anticipation!
So let’s see… unless there is a last minute and unprecedented rule change for this week (Hint: make this happen Snap), there are 22 points possible per match. Let’s take a quick look at the Leaderboard…
Craine and Cook at 228 versus Leece and Green at 205… eight minus five, carry the one… We’ll come back to that. How about Last Place? Murany & Boyd with 159 vs. Burton & Lieckfelt at 136… Nine minus 6, divided by the square root of the integer…
“Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Whose League Is It Anyway? It’s the last week of Snappers Golf League 2023 where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter. That’s right, the points are just like that 20 dollar bill that Tiger Woods finds in his jacket.
OR we could start everyone from zero & change to match play!? Shall we take a vote?
Check back later for the results (and info on the Year-end Outing!)
* Snappers Golf League is CANCELED for this evening, Thursday, August 24th.
According to Snapper, Steve called and said the course was under water in spots, with more rain expected today. The possible option of “cart paths only” was rejected out of hand (and flipper).
* Next week is the last week (Position Round) and the league in front will not be playing. Rumor has it that could mean an hour early start.
And now, back to the tunes. This next one is After the Deluge by Jackson Browne….
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Weekly kudos: Mother Nature. IT WAS HOT!
GREENIES: SHANG & JAMIE
Low Actual: COOP & HERB 38 (2nd week in row for Herb)
Low Net: MURANY & ROMO 34
5 Hole: TOM BOYD (2nd this season
TEAM SKIN: SHANG & OGI ( couple of pars did it on #13)
JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS GAME: NICK & SCOTT
AOTD: none
YEAR END OUTING: CALDERONE GOLF CLUB Jackson, Michigan
Sunday September 10, 2023 9am shotgun hotdog at turn and steak dinner to follow
36 man four person scramble of League regulars and subs (fair teams tbd)
BUT 1st : WHO IS IN who is out??? Last count was7 regulars out…. I have already invited most subs… PLEASE TO GET A FINAL COUNT TALK TO ME… WHO IS IN WHO IS OUT?
Blade’s Corner: If you’re like me, it’s been a minute since you watched the movie Apocalypse Now. But you should still be able to complete the following ‘fill in the blank’ puzzle for this very iconic movie quote.
We loved Clint Eastwood as Walt Kowalski in Gran Torino, but have your heard of the sequel with Walt Kowalski as Tim Kachelski? Random movie quotes follow, but first the weekly kudos.
GREENIES: JOHNNY MARTIN & MIKE TOMAZEWSKI (but sadly, they both missed their putts)
Low Actual: HERB GREEN
Low Net: HERB GREEN & KEN HOCHSTEIN “33”
5 Hole: RON HAMON
TEAM SKIN: JAMIE & HERB on #1
JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS GAME: Herb x 2 and Ron Hamon.
No eagles (c’mon!) this week but lots of bird again. Getting 2 apiece were Scott G, L Coop and H Green. (Sorry you single birdiers. You’ll have to do better than that to get a mention in the future. The league is getting too good now.)
AOTD: “Tim K for suggesting Kyle was 45 yrs old when he is only 33.”
EDITOR’s NOTE: I was not there, but here is my (“Blade’s) defense for this alleged hate speech.
The severity of this insult is directly related to the age of the insulter. Consider the source. Mr. Kachelski is one of the few original Snapper League members since it’s founding in 1988 – over 35 years ago! And it is believed that he was in his late 50’s back then, so you do the math! Who suggested that calling a whipper snapper “45 years old” is an insult!? No no no, I say. Not if muttered by the crusty & cantankerous Mr. Kachelski (or “Special K”, as the call him down at the senior center on card night). In fact, I would counter that even nominating the elderly and diminutive Special K for this dubious award is in itself elderly abuse and unbecoming of a Snapper. It’s not like he mistakenly assumed a morbidly obese lesbian was pregnant by asking her, “when are you due?”… He’ll never make that mistake again!
“Yeah… Yum Yum… yeah… nice girl… nice girl, very charming girl.” (Gran Torino beer babe)
It’s raining babes! Congratulations To Maggie and Paige, the latest Majestic Beer Babes of the Week!
“Wake up, Maggie, I think I got somethin’ to say to you…”
“On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha…”
And now for some more random Gran Torino movie quotes & memes (that could be heard or seen on league night)…
***It’s been ten bucks for the last five years, you hard-nosed Polack son of a bitch. (Barber Martin from the movie, or the canned response when Snapper is asked how much for the league games fee)
***Relax, zipperhead… I knew you were a dipshit the first time I ever saw you. (random golf course trash talk)
***He’s a pussy kid from next door. I’m trying to man him up a little bit… You see kid, now that’s how guys talk to one another. (new sub introduction?)
IN CONCLUSION… Timmy so old, he walked into an antique store and they tried to keep him. Timmy so old, his social security number is 1. Timmy so old, the movie “Jurassic Park” brought back memories.
Timmy so old, he remembers when that Ohio football team could beat the mighty Michigan Wolverines! Now that’s old!
Editor’s (”Blade’s) Note: In recognition of the fact that Snapper is on a family vacation this week, our crossover movie franchise is National Lampoon’s Vacation. Who knew that Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie would be honorary Snappers!? Random Vacation quotes follow, but first the weekly kudos.
GREENIES: JASON WOLFENDEN & LARRY COOPER.
LOW ACTUAL: DARIN CRAINE “34”
LOW NET: RICH ‘ROB’ ALEXANDER “27” ACTUAL ‘38’ (the next lowest net was ‘32’ shared by four)
Honorable Mention: SIX others scored sub-40 rounds – DAVE HAMILTON “36” (Par not good enuff?!), NICK COOPER “37”, STEVE STARNES & NATHAN MILLER “38” EACH, AND LARRY COOPER & HERB GREEN “39 “EACH.
***AND STARNES JOINS THE EAGLE CLUB!
5 Hole: R. Alexander
TEAM SKIN?: Team Wolf. A several week carry-over win!
JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS GAME: Rob Alexander, Dave Hamilton & Steve Starnes.
NICE JOB EVERYONE!
And now for some more random Vacation movie quotes & memes (that could be heard or seen on league night)…
RUSS: You must have jumped that rail (hit that drive) by like 50 yards! CLARK: Nothing to be proud of Russ… 50 yards!
In search of the Beer Girl. (or is this Snapper in the 95 degree Florida sun?)
Find a bush, Audrey! (Just like ‘got caught in your skirt’, this movie quote can be used on the golf course too!)
“Why aren’t we flying? Because getting there is half the fun.” (when hitting a worm-burner)
(when you hit into the wrong group) “- Clark Griswold: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the freeway (fairway)?
Editor’s (‘Blade’s) Note: Today’s title is from the 1972 movie, Jeremiah Johnson. If you are a youngin’ who hasn’t watched this movie (first of all, shame), just assume it is a golf movie. More quotes from the movie below. And now on to Snapper’s Bites!
GREENIES: Jamie Leece & sub Gary Voorheis
Low Actual: DAVE KEETON “35”
Low Net: DAVE KEETON “31”
5 Hole: DAVE KEETON (praise JESUS for “auto fill typing)
TEAM SKIN?: nope ….carry over on # 18 with 2 net ”7’s”
BIRDIES?: KEETON got 3 all cut, Dave Muraney got 2 and were cut also with cut birdies were Starnes.Art Kallitz.Steve Markunas,Josh Cook.Gary Voorheis
NOTEWORTHY: 5 count em 5 rounds under 40 this week,,,,YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE… NICE
WHAT IS THE SKIN POT UP TO?
YEAR END OUTING…Don’t forget to mark your calendars for SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 10, 2023 9 am shotgun (8:30am check-in) CALDERONE Golf CLUB (Grass Lake/Jackson area)…right now I am counting on everyone but TONY T and possibly MATT MURANY…CHRIS CARLSON is playing as is DJ and DAVE HAMILTON….If Matt can’t play he is sending brother Dave….if he can play then Dave Murany and Jason Carrier have dibs on buying in (I made reservation for extra 4some) so tell me soon if you can or cannot play. I believe past league member Toby Smith may wish to buy in also if we have room.
“I swear, a woman’s breast is the hardest rock the Almighty ever made on this earth and I can find no sign on it.” (Bear Claw, looking for the beer girl)
Congrats to Maggie! This week’s Beer Babe!
And now for some more randon Jeremiah Johnson movie quotes (that you might also hear on the golf course): “You’ve come far, pilgrim.” (nice Bird!)
“Didn’t put enough dirt down. Saw it right off.” (replace your divots!)
“Do you speak any English? I don’t speak any Flathead you know. So don’t bother me. Neither of you.” (random trash talk)
“Ain’t that a lot easier than sayin’ all that gibberish.” (Pic pic!)
You sure are cocky for a starvin’ pilgrim. (when you say “Easy game!” when getting a birdie after a double bogie)
“I, Hatchet Jack, bein’ of sound mind and broke legs do hereby leaveth my bear rifle to whatever finds it. Lord hope it be a white man. It is a good rifle and kilt the bear that kilt me. Anyway, I am dead. Yours truly, Hatchet Jack.” (I’m not sure where you would hear this one – maybe at the lost & found in the clubhouse?)
“I am Bearclaw Chris Lapp, blood kin to the grizzer that bit Jim Bridger’s ass. You are molesting my hunt.” (when someone hits into your group)
5 Hole: no mistake this time…it was sub-MIKE TOMASZEWSKI
TEAM SKIN?: nope ….carry over on # 27
JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS GAME: MIKE TOMASZEWSKI & DARIN CRAINE
AOTD?: NONE
BIRDIES?: KEETON and MARKUNAS cut each other…JAMIE & DARIN & COOP cut each other…the 2 NATES (McNAMARA & MILLER) cut each other…MIKE TOMASZEWSKI got one and DARIN got 2
2nd position round results???…1st place team CRAINE & COOK widened their lead a touch…team CARLSON/TOMASZEWSKI squeaked into 2nd after losing by 2 to LEECE & GREEN who are now 1 pt behind COOP/STRACHNAN and in 4th..team FUREY/ROMO came storming back up the standings 1 more point back in 5th then 3 more teams bunched up tied for 6th merely 27 points off the lead with plenty of of the season left..…GOOD JOB EVERYONE…..YEAR END OUTING…Don’t forget to mark your calendars for SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 10, 2023 9 am shotgun (8:30am check-in) CALDERONE Golf CLUB (Grass Lake/Jackson area)…right now I am counting on everyone but TONY T and possibly MATT MURANY…CHRIS CARLSON is playing as is DJ and DAVE HAMILTON….If Matt can’t play he is sending brother Dave….if he can play then Dave Murany and Jason Carrier have dibs on buying in (I made reservation for extra 4some) so tell me soon if you can or cannot play. I believe past league member Toby Smith may wish to buy in also if we have room.
GREENIES: ROMO & DARIN (I witnessed ROMO’s to about 4 ft on the downhill # 25 …nice)
Low Actual: LARRY COOPER “34”
Low Net: RICK CARLSON “29” (if im not careful only 1 more week too much hdcp)
5 Hole: TOM BOYD…no RICK CARLSON….No TOM BOYD after all….
TEAM SKIN?: nope ….carry over on # 27
JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS GAME: IT looks like…HERB…STARNES…STEVE GREGORY…COOP…….NICK…
AOTD?: NONE but dishonorable mention goes to team STUTSMAN/JOHNS who MARKUNAS for failing to immediately pay him and others a drink when they claimed to be “offended”…parenthetically neither STUTS nor n Johns had read the sheet in advance as they were me with greeting after greeting upon arrival of “IM OFFENDED”…. WTF???????? DOES THAT MEAN??????
BIRDIES?: The recent birdie barrage slowed down this week with only those listed above in Jamie skins game and Tom Boyd …& Scott Gregory with 1 each which was cut…BUT NO ONE TOLD COOP.. WHAT’S THIS? 4 birds same player same card??? NICE….
Speaking of nice we had perfect attendance last week (NO SUBS) for the 1st time all season…We do have a couple of 3 man teams and were graced with the presence of infrequent attendee CHRIS CARLSON…and making his season debut??? DAVE HAMILTON…Let”s Clap it up Snappers for these 2…..good to see you Boys…….and finally…wHAT THE HELL WAS IN THE WATER LST WEEK? The standings got stood on their head………almost with 19 points carded twice and 18 points carded twice…there is now 11 0f our 16 teams within 22 point striking distance of 1st place…..and what’s this ???? our 2nd position round tonight…GOOD LUCK EVERYONE…..
The following IS NOT Kevin and Chris in the “I’m Offended” slap line..
Majestic Snappers Golf League 