[Golf Sheet / Week 15 (August 20) Results]

WEEK 15 UPDATE: August 20th, 2020 By: DaBlade (Posted: 8/23)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Jamie Leece “35”
Low Net: Jamie Leece “31”
Greenies 1: Tommy Harrison
Greenies 2: Chris Johns
Team Skin: Carryover
5-Hole: Johnny Martin
AOTD: none

Jamie’s low actual sub-par score of 35 ties low round for the year with Coop, who just so happened to be on his way to beating this before his steely-eyed concentration (and game) suffered from a mood-altering nearby miss drive from behind on the 9^th fairway that originated the former’s group. Hmmm.

BIRDIE CLUB:  Jamie Leece, Chris Johns 2xs, Steve Markunas, Dave Furey and Steve ‘Shang’ Peltier all added to their birdie totals. Nicely done.

ODDS & ENDS: OK, so the tee times reflected on last week’s sheet was a little more irrelevant than normal, as several Snappers jumped the order with the excuse that they had to drive 2 hours north after the round in order to arrive in time for a golf tournament scheduled to start a mere 48 hours later (or something). The assumption being that the rest of us didn’t have things to do this weekend.

MATHEMATICALLY ELIMINATED:  With 2 weeks remaining – with golf on August 27^th and then the position round on September 3^rd to cap the season – Team Jerry C and Rick B’s dream of hoisting the championship trophy has been postponed for another year, as we are sitting on 149 points. That is, even if every other team were a no-show for the next two weeks and thereby scoring “0”, and consequently Carlson/Bailey scoring 44 points to end at 193 for the year, we would still fall one short. Very sad, as all of you know how much that would mean to us…

Finally, why is our Logo character (above) wearing his facemask?…

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

[Golf Sheet / Week 14 (August 13) Results]

WEEK 14 UPDATE: August 13th, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: 8/18)

NOTE: UPDATED 8/20

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Chris Johns “36”
Low Net: Chris Johns, Dave Lawless “30”
Greenies 1: Chris Johns
Greenies 2: The Rick Bailey
Team Skin: Johnny Martin/Tony Burton
5-Hole: Kenny Hochstein
AOTD: none

5-HOLE:   Ken Hochstein  (way to go Kenny…we had about 8 or 9 man tie for 2^nd we didn’t have to break)

TEAM SKIN:  Johnny Martin and Tony Burton…..a 3 weeker worth $150 minus the drinks you bought after  thanks!!!!

WAY TO GO GUYS…

AOTD:   nope…..thankfully the meeting quorum was long gone (as was I) when it was discovered around 11:30pm on the deck that I forgot the manbag when I left….

JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS:   Chris Johns…DJ and Tommy   all scored unmatched birdies for cash….

Other Birds:   Snapper (welcome to the birdie club with his 1^st of the year)….Chris Johns (had 3 birds total)….Wolf….JWolf…Tom Boyd…Dave Lawless..Romo and The Rick……..Wow that’s some birds…..No EAGLES still….

SIDE NOTE:  I couldn’t bring myself to give this man AOTD for fear his wife or significant other  reads our blog page…but somebody sitting on the deck long after golf enjoying one adult beverage after another (some at the expense of Johnny Martin and Tony Burtons hospitality after winning the big skin….was well appeared to be flirting with an off duty beer babe TARA ….making eye contact in Bill Clinton style….sniffin her hair when she wasn’t looking (Sleepy Joe Biden style) finally got his due….after learning her much younger than he age he asked a few too many times if he Had a chance? Because of her “Daddy Issues” …and wasn’t she giving him some shit….she replied:  “Im pretty sure Im the one having to listen to your shit allnight!!! “Or words to that effect….congrats on the slap down Snapper League member we know who you are…

^{DOUBLE SIDE NOTE AFTER THOUGHT INTENTIONAL OVERSIGHT: Yours truly Snap Daddy has been rightfully accused of failing to mention an accomplishment….On a night when Cooper & DJ & Fuery & Wolf turned in scorecards with sub 40 scores on them then Chris Johns has a card with even par 36 on it…yours truly eyes begin to glass over with dreams of what that shit must feel like…& there on the very same scorecard was an enigmatic truly worthy of mention “38” posted by Dave Lawless completely overlooked..(5 beautiful pars & a bird)…by me that is…and my normally above average proofreader…not by his partner Bill Cape who when reached for unsolicited  comment said: “Yea I got a comment…this is total BS…all them other guys shooting 30 something are good golfers and Chris Johns…Hell everybody knows how good he is…but not to mention Lawless?.. BS I say again…he shot 38 and everybody knows  he sucks…you shoulda wrote him up the 1st time!”….THANKS BILL…got it… (smaller font size used for emphasis  on purpose as another slight)}

DaBlade’s Corner.

Congratulations to Ryleigh, The Majestic Beer Babe of the Week. She proudly proclaimed this was her second win of the year.

Last week was not the fastest round every played in league history. Can you answer the question above? (correct guesses or funny wrong answers both accepted)

After posting the epilogue of my new book, History of the Beer Babes last week, the pre-orders have been piling in. So, as promised, here is an additional sneak peek…

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

[Golf Sheet / Week 13 (August 6) Results]

WEEK 13 UPDATE: August 6th, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: August 12)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Scott Ford “37”
Low Net: Tom Boyd “34”
Greenies 1: Larry Cooper
Greenies 2: Tom Boyd
Team Skin: Carry over
5-Hole: Herb Green
AOTD: Kevin Stutzman

LOW ACTUAL:   Scott Ford   “37”  WTF? On the back?  YOU DA MAN!!!!!

LOW NET: Tom Boyd  “34”

5-HOLE:   Herb Green  (God Bless you Herbie…nice to see)

TEAM SKIN:  carry over….hole 17 drawn and cut twice

WAY TO GO GUYS…

AOTD????:   KEVIN STUTZMAN was our winner this week after his playing partner sub Bruce Leach stormed off the course with his bag over his shoulder before the round was completed taking a max out 11 on the par 5 finishing hole…..When asked what he did to make his normally mild mannered (extremely high and intoxicated) partner so angry as to refuse to remain in the cart with him for 9 holes, Kevin only shrugged………OK no defense ?  no mercy….ASSHOLE! (however note Kevin was heard to exclaim with a smile after the vote:  “Now all I need is an Eagle to complete the Suduko Quest sheet challenge……and so it shall be…

JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS:   COOP….Scott Ford…..Herb and Tony Burton   all scored unmatched birdies for cash….

Other Birds:   OGI (welcome to the birdie club with his 1^st of the year)…..Shang (again….why don’t you ever get in the game and skin these f ers?????…and Tom Boyd

Also this week:  To most everyone’s surprise “Sleepy Joe” Biden selected a black woman as his running mate (unless of course she too votes for Trump and then “She aint Black!!)

WHAT IS BETTER AS A PAIR? (Besides Labatts Blue!! A pair of hockey beers!!)

SAY IT WHEN YOU SEE IT!

..and lastly, a picturesque shot of the “Heart Hole”.

Legend has it that the brick chimney with the heart stone at the top and rising from the ruins was once the early homestead of the very first beer babes who located to Lake Walden in the early 1800s. They originated from somewhere in the east and were followed by many thirsty cowboys as they traveled by stagecoach chock full of beer. (to be continued…)

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

[Golf Sheet / Week 12 (July 30) Results]

WEEK 12 UPDATE: July 31, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: August 1)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Bruce Leach “36”
Low Net: Paul O, Tom H, Jake F, Kevin S “33”
Greenies 1: Jason Carrier
Greenies 2: Larry Cooper
Team Skin: $Carry over
5-Hole: DJ Hochstein
AOTD: Nope

WAY TO GO GUYS…

AOTD:  Unknown (probably several worthy candidates, but with Snapper off and me ghosting – the tales to go untold). Tony T bore the weight of the manbag and fulfilled his assigned duties admirably. However, 10 minutes before league tee time, several folks became panicked at the prospects of having to do math when it was made clear that there were no official league cards already filled in and complete with hole-by-hole handicaps.  “Where do our league dues go?”,

was a popular refrain. According to Tony, Ricky had assigned Jamie the responsibility for bringing the completed cards – having taken a set of blanks home the week before for this very thing – but then didn’t bother to show. (Asshole?). But then with just mere seconds to spare, Wolfy rushed to the beer deck to secure an additional set of blank cards from the manbag and sped to the first tee to pass them out to the line of waiting Snappers. Nice save, Dave!

BIRDIE-FEST: Twelve birdies in all… Wow! – Congratulations to Jason Carrier, Jake Ford (2xs!), Dave Wolfenden, DJ Hochstein, Herb Green, Tim Kachelski, Dave Fury, Johhny ‘Golf’ Martin, Matt Murany, Tom Harrison and Kevin Stutzman.  And then there was Rick Bailey’s “Birdie 4” on the par three 8^th, when his drive hit a goose. The bird was no worse for wear, and honked his displeasure at us as we approached the green, along with the other (hundreds?) in the goose herd.

WORTHY OF NOTE:  The league average for this week was a record low of 44.14, with 8, count ‘em, 8! sub-40 scores (5 league members and 3 ringer subs). Nice!

JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS:   Bruce, Lenny and DJ split $31 ea.

DID YOU KNOW?: Flock of geese – The collective noun for a group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; when in flight, they are called a skein, a team, or a wedge; when flying close together, they are called a plump. When sitting and shitting next to a golf course green, they are called [expletive deleted].

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

[Golf Sheet / Week 11 (July 23) Results]

WEEK 11 UPDATE: July 23, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: July 25)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Larry Cooper “35”
Low Net: Tony Burton “29”
Greenies 1: Larry Cooper
Greenies 2: Tony Burton
Team Skin: Snapper/Tony T ($200 pot)
5-Hole: Matt Murany
AOTD: Steve Markunas

AOTD????:    Honorable Mention to 1^st runner up Johnny Martin for ill-advised abuse of US currency…to pay off a bet with Wolf he crumpled a $20 bill into a small ball and threw it at him… missed… and lost it in the bushes… 2^nd runner up Rick Carlson for looking right at Jake Ford and offering him greenie money when being told Tony Burton won… yes, both newbies but I know which is which… but did I??? and winna is:  Steve Markunas for taking the greenie stakes from me early saying its position round and I’m going 1^st – I got em…. then waiting for Timmy in the parking lot while 3 teams went off ahead of him without the stakes…

JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS:   COOP….STUTZ and ROMO all won $25

WORTHY OF NOTE:  Team Skins Winners bought the league a round upon winning the team skin…. Nice ?  Sure….Impressive?  not really, since multiple BEER BABES bought the league Fireball Shots …Not Once,  But Twice!!!!

“WHO HAS IT BETTER THAN US??!!!”

***Jim Harbaugh…..

“WHO HAS BETTER BEER BABES THAN US?!”

***Rick/Snapper Carlson…..

Answer To Both:  NOBODY!!!!!!!

THANK YOU LADIES!

(DaBlade’s UPDATE) SCARY MOMENT at the last hole gallery, when I witnessed what appeared to be Majestic Beer Babe, Molly, on the receiving end of some abdominal thrusts (otherwise known as the Heimlich maneuver – a first aid procedure used to treat upper airway obstructions by foreign objects). 

The concerned looks on the faces on nearby Snappers – while hard to look at – tell the story better than words.

I didn’t see what caused Molly to choke, but thanks to a quick thinking Timmy ‘Doctor K’ Kachelski, she will continue to sling beer & accoutrements to thirsty Snappers for many years!

Unwinding on the beer deck…

History of the Majestic Beer Babes of the Week

The Snapper League has been awarding the MBBOTW award to lucky beer babes since July 9, 2007, when Lori Lynn was first inducted with the now famous “ponytail and thigh” shot. Since then, many have been honored with this prestigious award. Sadly, we have yet to get that elusive shot of the MBB in her “natural habitat”, but sit back and enjoy them captured in captivity supplying their precious cargo of golden nectar to thirsty Snappers. God bless America. And God bless our MBBs!

MBB Natural Habitat: At the end of the day towards dusk, the beer babes gather down at the dock on Lake Walden, playfully wading and splashing each other to cool off, their soaked and clinging attire dripping in slow motion…

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

[Golf Sheet / Week 10 Results]

WEEK 9 (or is it 10 because of skip?) UPDATE: July 16, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: July 19)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Tommy Harrison “37”
Low Net: Tommy Harrison “28”
Greenies 1: Larry Cooper
Greenies 2: Tommy Boyd
Team Skin: nope nothing reported here except a carry over
5-Hole: Steve Markunas broke a 3 way tie parring the next hole

AOTD????:    Who else?  It is Tommy Harrison night….aka Downtown Tommy wins for casual conversation unbecoming a mens golf league member…. During an apparent brief lull in the discourse of the league round comprised of Coop/Tommy &  TK/Hollywood…. Tommy offered a new topic for conversation says playing opponent Timmy K:  “Hey so what do you think about the Dancing with the Stars controversy this week?”  says Tommy.. .Responding only shaking his head and waiting for the time for AOTD nominations… Timmy starts recollecting the incident and Tommy interrupts:..”But it was big news!”  yours truly asked for a show of hands as to how many other league members watched Dancing with the Stars and the predictable number “0”  hands went up….. so Tommy says:” no no I don’t watch it either it was in fact on the Masked Singer”…..another show of hands was requested and received for those league members admitting to watching the Masked Singer on  non league nights…As the count again came back “0” Tommy just said “Gimme the Damn Ball then”  as the group refrain ASSHOLE  ASSHOLE ASSHOLE resounded on the patio… 

JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS:   Jamie, Romo and Tommy Harrison each scored one and Coop took 2 at $16/apiece…

EAGLES??? Nope not yet…..But with his AOTD today Tommy is within a team skins and an Eagle of completing the sudoku quest sheet.

“WHAT DO I THINK ABOUT WHAT??!!!”

***Timmy K making certain he had heard Tommy Harrison correctly…..

UPDATE!!! I wanted to save Tommy’s good name and reputation (or at the very least, his man card) so I google up “Masked Singer controversy”. Sadly, it was worse than I thought…

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

The Snappers Golf League is considering following the Washington Redskin’s example in ‘retiring’ their longtime nickname and logo.

Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has said for decades that he wouldn’t change the team name because it wasn’t a racist slur, and blamed what he called, “the whitey cracker corporate sponsors” for finally making him cave.

In the amateur men’s golf league world, Majestic Snappers president and founder, Ricky “Snapper” Carlson says he wants to get ahead of the cancel culture curve by changing the league’s name before members are denied beer purchases for being speciests.

Protesters have started to gather outside the golf course holding signs that say, “Turtle Lives Matter”; “Stop Symptomatic Turtlism”; and “The word ‘Snappers’ is a derogatory slander against a turtle species that only wants to be left alone, but was given a name in the form of a violent verb because it uses it’s large bony beak and strong bite to defend itself from inebriated golfers wielding tees.”

Admittedly, that was a large sign and was carried by a woke and unemployed white liberal with a 6-figure student loan debt and a Marine Biology degree.

“I didn’t name the f&#king turtle species, I just named the golf league in honor of them,” insisted Snapper, who adopted the hurtful moniker. “We mean no harm to the Snappers. Hell, we even have their protection written into our rules…”

10. For safety reasons, please do not play with the wildlife under any circumstances. This would include box turtles, as well as Snappers. This rule also prohibits side wagers involving wildlife like “closest chip to the woodchuck for a buck”.

Before my brother (Snapper) broke with tradition, I (DaBlade) decided to see for myself whether the term “Snappers” was offensive. I knew asking a turtle wouldn’t help much, so I decided to ask a Native American whether he found the term “Redskins” offensive and then just extrapolate from there.

I felt good knowing I was doing my part to prove our league was not racist or speciest in the least, so I drove all night to a South Dakota Indian Reservation for the Lakota tribe. It was the middle of the day, so I assumed I would find the tribe elders outside of the liquor store.

After a long talk and a few shared swigs with Chief Firewater, I was assured that the Indians on this reservation didn’t give a plug wooden nickel about the whole Washington Redskins name. And then he shocked me by doing one better when he introduced me to the tribe’s Medicine Man, “Crazy Snapper”.

So in conclusion, is the name, “Redskins” offensive, and should the Snappers change their name to The Greenskins Golf League? (“Greenskins” after the popular money games played, and NOT referring to the turtle’s pigmentation).

Here’s a look at other golf teams who may or may not decide to make changes soon.

Walks With Foot Wedge

So Sioux Me

Shankapotawatamis

ApachePutt Scalpers

The Drunkin Wankers

Navajo-in-ones

Shoshome pic pics

THE END

[Golf Sheet / Week 9 Results]

WEEK 9 UPDATE: July 9, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: July 16)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Dave Furey/Mike Romanowski “39”
Low Net: Tony Burton “32”
Greenies 1: Tom Harrison
Greenies 2: Rick Bailey/Johnny Martin
Team Skin: Carry over
5-Hole: Jerry ‘DaBlade’ Carlson
AOTD: n/a

BIRDIES?:  WE had  9 birds…. Jerry… Jamie…. DJ….. PIC PIC ….. CJ….. Jason Carrier…. Dave Furey…. and Steve Markunas carded two of them….

WAY TO GO GUYS…

AOTD????:    none….

JAMIES SCRATCH SKINS:   Steve Markunas and Jamie each got paid big $66/skin….DJ also scored a little prorated cash….

EAGLES??? Nope not yet…..

ENIGMA??????…sure thing….for the first time in league history and possibly for the first time in golf anywhere anytime****  we witnessed a virtual “tie” for closest not the pin contest.   Rick Bailey had the closest shot to the pin when he was there and so wrote his name on the card and stuck the proximity marker in the ground where his shot finished.  Johnny Martin later teed of on the hole and thought from the tee his ball may have stopped rather abruptly.  Approaching the ball he saw that it rested touching the proximity marker. Opponent Jamie agreed.  What to do? Bring it in and talk about it. Damndest thing.  Tie was awarded. ***yours truly personally google every possible source and found no mention of anyone even anticipating the possibility of this happening…finding nothing I conclude nit NEVER HAPPENED ANYWHERE PREVIOUSLY!!

BOCCE – ***this is Italian word for “kiss” used in the popular lawn bowling game of the same name when a ball comes to rest touching the white object ball.

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

[Golf Sheet / Week 8 Results]

[Scores thru June, 2020]

WEEK 8 UPDATE: June 25, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: July 7)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Larry Cooper “39”
Low Net: Jason Wolfenden “33”
Greenies 1: Kevin Stutzman
Greenies 2: JWolf
Team Skin: Nope. Nothing to report here
5-Hole: Bill “Pic Pic” Cape
AOTD: n/a

BIRDIES?:  sure we had some….Stutz,  Peltier, Cooper, Scott Gregory, Tommie Boyd and Jamie had two for himself….but special kudos  Welcome to the birdie club JWOLF!!!!!!!

WAY TO GO GUYS…

AOTD????:    none….

SO WE HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED THE HOLIDAY…

DID YOU KNOW??????

After 8 weeks and 9 holes and 28 guys each week totaling 2016 golf holes for our league so far this year we have 517 pars…..everybody has at least one but less than half the league (13 guys) have 20 or moreJason  pars themselves….  Birdies in the same time total “56” with 20 guys (all but 8 of us) sharing these…

EAGLES??? Nope not yet…..

Closest to filling out all boxes on the sheet Sudoku Quest style are JWolf & Stuts each needing al AOTD and an Eagle and one needs low actual the other low net…come on boys I know the AOTD might be the hardest for you guys but I have faith….

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!

EDITOR’S NOTE (Jerry): It was brought to my attention last week that this website was not clear and legible, and that the sidebar grass squiggly graphic I meant to be in the margin was in fact obstructing the text. This was not happening on my iPhone and I had no idea that Jamie and some other league members were using Crickets or some other inexpensive flip phones as mobile devices. This website has been up and running for over a year now and I’m impressed I was informed of this design flaw so soon. The End.

[Golf Sheet / Week 7 Results]

WEEK 7 UPDATE: June 18, 2020 By: Snapper (Posted: June 25)

Weekly Cudos:

Low Actual: Larry Cooper “36”
Low Net: Bailey, TK, Coop & Jake “34”
Greenies 1: Steve Peltier
Greenies 2: DJ Hochstein
Team Skin: Carry over
5-Hole: Bruce Leach
AOTD: n/a

SBITES  (aka Snapper Bites) for  Week 7…

Congrats to the following weekly winnas:

GREENIE #1:  Steve Peltier 

GREENIE #2   DJ Hochstein

LOW ACTUAL:   Larry Cooper  “36”

LOW NET:  Larry Cooper, Tim Kachelski, Rick Bailey & Jake Ford “ 34”

5-HOLE:   Bruce Leach

TEAM SKIN:  nope nothing reported here

BIRDIES?:  sure we had some….Rick Bailey and Tim Kachelski  (but they don’t play Jamie’s  scratch skins so no cash there)..….DJ &  Jason Carrier cut each other for 1 ……

Coop and Carrier each had 2 but Larry had the only uncut money skin…

WAY TO GO GUYS…

AOTD????:    none….but it was reported that yours truly was nominated and barely escaped the weekly award when it was discovered that the other 2 Carlson bruthas had proudly taken a long weekend shopping trip with their spouses to the Antique Flea Market Capitol of the Midwest….”SHIPSHEWANA”….It was apparently suspect that me as older brother would be absent the same week and perhaps…just perhaps I had lied about my reason for missing due to an unexplained car problem and had instead simply Gayly (meaning happily all you politically correct thought police)…GAYLY gone shopping with my brothers instead of golfing with the guys…thankfully the nomination failed when the allegation could not be proven…..

Snapper Word-of-the-Day: “Gay” ………. The term was originally used to mean “carefree”, “cheerful”, or “bright and showy” Wikipedia.

FACT CHECK (RE: “GAYLY gone shopping with my brothers instead of golfing…”) – false information – The only shopping done by the males in the party was at an Amish bakery and at a cheese & meat store.

GO SNAPPERS 2020!!!